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btlenosedolph82's Journal
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2009.10.17 12.49
Found this and found it interesting.
Found this on the internet when doing research for school. Thought it ws interesting. Going to do a update soon.
A Christian Speaks of Wicca and Witchcraft
by James Clement Taylor
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I am a Christian and not a Wiccan. A Christian is one who has been baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and who has made a personal, free-will decision to commit himself and all his or her life to our Lord and God and Savior, Jesus Christ. Both of these things are true of me. I am a member of St. Mary's Eastern Orthodox Church, Calhan, Colorado. In this paper, I am not speaking as agent for any church, but I am, entirely on my own responsibility, speaking the truth in love, as we Christians are supposed to do.
A Situation of Strife and Shame:
There are many Christians today who believe that anyone who is not a Christian is doomed to an eternity of suffering in hell. Any decent person, believing this, would be compelled to try to save as many people from this fate as possible. But is this belief correct? Jesus Christ, having noted the faith and righteousness of a Roman centurion, a Pagan, proclaimed:
"Assuredly I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel! And I say to you that many will come from east and west, and sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. But the sons of the kingdom will be cast out into outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (Matthew 8:10-12)
If we accept these words as true, and surely we should, then it is clear that heaven will contain many who are not Christians, and hell will contain many who are! Clearly, throughout the Gospels, Jesus Christ sets forth the criteria for entrance into the kingdom of heaven, and those criteria include love, kindness, forgiveness, and a refusal to judge others:
"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15)
"For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you." (Matthew 7:2)
"But go and learn what this means: `I desire mercy and not sacrifice.'" (Matthew 9:13)
"Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:36-38)
Is it not clear? Anyone who fails in these things, will calling himself a Christian save him? Anyone who obeys God in these things, will being unbaptized condemn him? Jesus said, "Not everyone who says to Me, `Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven." (Matthew 7:21)
Yet it is not by good works that we earn our way into heaven, because there is no way we can earn the free gift of God's mercy and grace, which alone can save us. But it is clear that it is not by faith, in the sense of sharing the Christian faith, that we are saved, either. The faith which saves us is not faith in the goodness of our works, nor faith that we have the right theology and/or belong to the right church. Rather, it is faith in God, and in His mercy:
"So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who has mercy." (Romans 9:16)
But the Wiccans, you will say, do not have faith in God. Yet by their own theology, they certainly do. Those who call them Satan-worshippers are entirely wrong. They do not worship Satan, or even believe that Satan exists. Instead, they worship a Goddess and a God whom they understand as manifestations of a higher and unknown Deity.
Now if you are a Christian, this will sound familiar to you, and it should. In the Bible we find the following:
"Then Paul stood in the midst of the Areopagus and said, `Men of Athens, I perceive that in all things you are very religious; for as I was passing through and considering the objects of your worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO THE UNKNOWN GOD. Therefore, The One whom you worship without knowing, Him I proclaim to you" (Acts 17:22-23)
The Wiccans worship the Unknown God, as manifested to them in the form of a Goddess and a God. Therefore, our Bible tells us they worship the same God we do; and if they do not know this, we should know it!
For those of us who are unable to simply stand on God's Word, and must prove to themselves the truth of what it proclaims the holy Apostle John has given us the method for doing this. You have only to attend any public Wiccan ceremony, and test the spirits which are there, to see "whether they are of God" (1 John 4:1). You will find that, while the power manifested there may be less than what you have experienced as a Christian, that power is clearly the power of God.
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, these people of Wicca have been terribly slandered by us. They have lost jobs, and homes, and places of business because we have assured others that they worship Satan, which they do not. We have persecuted them, and God will hold us accountable for this, you may be sure, for He has said, "Assuredly I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me." (Matthew 25:40)
Let us, from this point onward, repent of our misdeeds and declare that henceforth we shall obey Christ our God, and not judge others or condemn them, so that He will not have to judge and condemn us for our sins.
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2009.06.06 15.21
WE GOT THE....
House!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY. Out of milwaukee and into waukesha. 5 bedrooms, 3.5 baths, 2 offices, a family room, dinning room, kitchen, utility room, huge basement, 3 car garage and 2 whirlpool tubs. CANt wait to get out of this town and move in. YAY.
Now the fun part begins packing, school, cleaning, and taking care of our beautiful daughter. And haviing a week taked away from us because of our vacation. Busy Busy Busy!!!
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2009.03.10 04.44
Wow its been awhile
Wow its been awhile since I have updated this.
So many things have been going on as of late. Tori is just getting cuter everyday. She is such a smart little lady. She has been cooing for a little over a month now and has been pulling herself up for awhile now. I love having her in my life and it seems like i have had her forever now. I don't think i can love anyone more than her. She lights up my life. I can be in a bad mood one second and all I have to do is look at her and it just goes away. My family has also fallen in love with her. Its fun to see my Grandma Laren with her, she doesn't want ot put her down and is the first to be there to pick her up and hold her. Grandma Mary is also so funny with her and brags to every one. Tori has her Uncle Jimmy wrapped around her fingers so tight its cute. He comes over at least once a week to visit his niece and she just loves it. He actually has found out that we were comming over when he jst walked into Kohls and he turned arond and walked out to come back home to see her. Never in a million years did I thnk he was going to be like that at all. It was a great surprise. Mee Mee and Paw Paw down in oklahoma just think that she is the cutest and she had lost of fun with MEe MEe when she was up visiting. Now me and her might be flying out to ok in the next month for an early visit before june.
As for whats going on with me. I am starting my training for a triatholon that I am entering. Its a 1/2mile swim, 12 mile bike ride, and a 3.1 mile run. I know that I am not the most athletic, to say the least, but I can't wait to do this and prove to myself that I am able to do it. Just hoping that I can do it in less than 3 hrs. I know my swimming will not be an issue, but the biking and running might. I know I can do it and I am determined to do it with out injury lol.
Well I guess that is it for now. Woke up wide awake at 3am this morning so I decided to post while I have the time.
Mood:  ecstatic
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2009.01.19 17.08
She's here!
Our baby is finally here. She was born 12/29/08. She is so precious. I can't imagine my life without her in it. She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, but I am biased. Labor wasn't all that hard or painfull as everyone was telling me it was. She has a full head of black hair that was already past her shoulders when she was born, just like I did.
The pregnancy went by so fast. THings have been going great. She is such a great baby and doesn't cry all that much. Thats it for now. Just wanted to let everyone know.
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2008.12.17 13.22
Year of many surprises!
I am updating this now because I don't know when the next time if ever that I will be able to get to the journal due to everything about to change.
This year has had its ups and downs. The year started off with my family losing 3 people that were close to us of sickness. The hardest one was my Grandpa Laren. He has always been one of the people in my life that I could always count on to be there, even when I didn't want him to be. I always knew that if I needed to talk to him about anything he would be there to listen and well talk your ear off also,lol. In fact he was one person I was afraid to tell about my divorce because he always was all for marriage being permanent, but when I told him about it and the reasons why, he told me that he wouldn't of wanted me to stay in a relationship that I was obviously not happy in and was completely not right for me. That took a big relief off my shoulders. He met Jenn and surprisingly didnt have a problem with it. Told me if thats what makes me happy then thats all that he can ask for. ITs been 9 monthes since he past away and sometimes I forget that he's not there and then get depressed wehn I realize it. But life moves on.
On to the happy news, no more depressing. This year, well last year actually, I have gotten the one thing that I have always wanted but fell short of having so many times in the past. A loving relationship with someone who I can trust 150%, who I am completely happy with, feel completely safe with and just someone who loves me for me. Someone who I can tell everyting to and not have to worry about it getting out to anyone. Jenn actually cares about my feelings 100% and always takes them into account with everything. We are able to work as a team together and get things done or make important decisions with out any yelling matches. ITs nice to find someone that you can be with who can admit when they are wrong and vise versa with me and neither of us will hold it over each others heads. It's also nice to finally be with someone that everyone in my family loves and approves of, I have never had that before. ITs nice to have both of us completely dedicated to each other and wanting no one else to be apart of it. This is the fist relationship I have been in that has been like this. Its also nice to be completely welcomed into a family, without any judgements or assumptions. I have never felt 100% apart of another family before Jenn's and its great to have 2 loving families. I have never felt like I have been able to call anothers parents mom and dad and I know I will be calling them that soon. I havn't called the mom and dad yet because, it migh sound weird, but I havn't called anyone else dad for 9 years and its a big thing for me to actually feel like I can call someone that again, but at the same time it is also very hard for me to get that word out of my mouth and not feel a little guilty.
The next best thing is we are pregnant and expecting our little one any day now. I am getting anxious because I just want to meet her. I also want her here for Christmas so we don't have to wait a whole year to celebrate it with her. This is something i have been wanting my whole life and finally found someone who I want to have with. Sometimes its seems these 10 monthes have gone by so fast and sometimes it seems like it was so slow, exspecially now when the wait is almost over. My whole family is so excited for her arrival, I think that they are making me feel like it is taking it forever, because I get calls everyday asking "do u feel any different" "do you think it will be today" ect. I can't say I had a bad pregnancy at all, no morning sickness, no food aversions, can eat what I want and not get sick from it, and gained just enough weight. My doctor told me at the last appointment that I was the most happy pregnant woman that she had seen all day. Now I will just be happy if my doctor is the one actually on call when I go into labor.
Well thats it for now. I will hopefully have time to update this again soon. If not everyone have a Merry Christams and a Happy New Year! Enjoy all the snow lol.
Mood:  anxious
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2008.11.19 13.58
Lots going on.
Boy lots have been going on lately and its not going to slow down anytime soon. LOL.
We had our baby shower the beginning of this month. It was great to see everyone there who showed up. We almost have all the thank you's written out so they will be going out soon. We got alot of nice things for our daughter and a lot of nice children's books for her library. Her room is all set up and ready for her to get here. We need a couple more small things for her but that is about it. Not much longer to go and now its starting to feel like it is taking forever to pass. I know when she is here its going to feel like it went by one, two, three, but not right now. My doctors are happy that I while I have gained weight I haven't gained more than I should so far. I can't wait for her to be here and to be able to hold her, change her, feed her, play with her, etc... Its going to be great to be able to stay at home with her and raise her without having to put her in daycare and have someone else raise her.
Thanksgiving is comming up next week, boy I can't believe that this year has gone by so fast. Christmas is comming up even faster then most years.
Well, anyway that is a quick update on me for now.
Mood: anxious
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2008.09.30 11.37
6 and 1/2 months
This is going to be a quick post because I haven't had much time lately and don't have much right now to post.
Everything is going great right now. We are moved in our new apartment and have everything unpacked. Last weekend we got the crib, changing table, and dresser up. We put all the sheets on the bed and organized the few things that we have right now. I can't wait for the shower to be able to put everything in her room. We finally were able to find some wall stickers for the room and still have yet to put them up.
Besides getting ready for our bundle of joy we have been working and relaxing and enjoying each others company. The pregnancy is going good and I can't really complain about any of it at all. I was on bed rest for awhile, nothing that is really going to effect her just something that i had for awhile that they couldn't treat normally because of my lack of being able to take certain meds. But hey if that's the worst that i have to put up with than I can't really complain, I know a lot of other woman who has had it a lot worse.
Well that's it for now. Hope everyone is having a great year and can't wait to be able to talk to everyone. Call me :).
Mood:  busy
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2008.07.07 11.10
Lots going on
Man there has been alot going on lately. Just got back from Vacation! It was a great time and we really didn't want to leave. It was so nice to be able to just relax and not worry about anything at all. The ride down sucked took us way longer than it should have. Damn tornado warning suxs. But we got down there just fine and I have had the most wonderful time down there. We pretty much stayed at the house visiting and such, but went out a few times to shop and other stuff. We actually had room in the car on the way down believe it or not, but not on the way up! I guess thats what happens when you go window shopping with Jenn's mom. We got to celebrate both Mom and Dad's birthdays while down there and got to spend time with Grandma. It was great. It was so hard to leave and come back to WI after such a nice visit. It was also great to be on Vacation with someone who doesn't bitch and moan about anything. Its nice to know that Jenn doesn't bitch and moan about every little thing, that or blame something that is her fault on someone else and can take responsiblity for her actions.
I'm 14weeks today and its great being pregnant. There is nothing like it in the world. My crohn's is in remission and I feel great. We have figured out the theme for baby's room and could only find the stuff we wanted on vacation so wish us luck on finding the rest of the stuff we need. Both our parents are so excited for the baby its great. Jenn's dad has already started getting stuff in line for the babys future. This baby is loved so much already and I know much more when they are born. They are also going to have the best life that we can give them. Its so great to be in this place right now and no one can take that away.
Now the busy part of the next couple months are going to start. Now we have to pack up the entire apartment to get ready to move. And then get everything figured out and set up for when the baby is born. Its so exciting. All the while get stuff together for a rummage sale of all the stuff that we don't need or want anymore. Now its just finding the area that will get us the most people to come. Its a good thing we have many different places to have it.
Well I guess that is it for now. I will post more later.
Mood: cheerful
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2008.05.05 00.52
Weekend
I am so glad to have a day off finally it seems. Saturday was a busy day for me I got up and went to work. Jenn picked me up when I got off of work and then we went to the store and then to my mom's house so we could celebrate Jenn and Brad's birthdays. Brad had a cake from Rich's it was One layer Yellow and One Layer Chocolate with bavarian cream and chocolate chips. It was okay I really don't like chocolate chips so I ate around them. Jenn picked up this awesome Chocolate Mousse cake and it was yummy. One of the best parts of the visit is my mom was making one of my favorite dinners and I got to have a big plate of it. It was yummy. She was making it so Jim would be able to eat something soft because he got a tooth pulled on friday and apparently when they pulled the tooth the hole from it went straight through his sinus cavity, so they had to stitch it up. I feel bad because he was in a lot of pain. After the cakes we split up the stuff my mom got from my Grandpa Laren. There was a lot of nice things of his. I got his fart machine, kosh ball, foot massager, a pin he got from the gas company, his year book, some foot inserts, a slot machine and some few random things. We then came home an Jenn gave me the best foot massage that I have ever had. It was orgasmic. That was pretty much of Saturday worth mentioning.
Today was another day that I worked. It went by fast thankfully and I got to see my Aunt Janelle a couple times which was great. I got all the info from her about the party for the kids. After work Becky picked me up and took me home because Jenn had to run some errands and was running later than she thought she would. I can't wait till we have two cars again, makes things easier. Becky hung out with us for a while and then headed to meet her mom for lunch. We then decided to go to lunch ourselves as I was starving. We went to applebee's and had a nice time. I ordered from their Weight Watchers menu and the Garlic Herb Chicken was good but what ever they used to cook it in the smell was making me sick to my stomach, because it reminded me of Fran's cooking and yuck! We then left and came home got some laundry done and then Jenn went to Becky's to download some music while I stayed back and rested hoping the nausea would go away. And now we are still up. I'm already used to getting up in a bout 2 hours so it will be interesting how it will feel to sleep in till I have to give Jenn a ride to work tomorrow. Hopefully I can get some house work done tomorrow during the day.
It is so great to be able to see how much Jenn loves me and how much she cares for me. She always thinks of my needs in front of hers, even though I constantly tell her she doesn't have to and she needs to think of herself also, its great to feel appreciated by someone. The love we share is more than I have ever thought possible to share with someone and I am loving it. Its the same love that held my parents together all those years and still now. I never thought that I would find it for myself and thought at one time I did but was completely and utterly wrong. But I guess that is what life is about living and learning and fixing your mistakes. She is so excited for the baby I can't even put it into words. She reads to the baby every night and is constantly talking to her/him and kissing my tummy. I am so glad one that we are having a baby and two that I am able to give her something she has always been wanting.
This is it for now. I am tired and going to sleep. Also time for Jenn to read to the baby. Ps I think it is a girl she thinks it will be a boy.
Mood:  sleepy
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2008.05.04 14.16
Its so funny that people think that they know what they are talking about when they don't have a clue. I AM NOT GOING ON STATE HEALTH INSURANCE SO DON'T WORRY YOUR NOT PAYING FOR MY INSURANCE YOU "DIP SHIT". My EMPLOYER offers FREE HEALTH INSURANCE to its EMPLOYEES. I am an EMPLOYEE so therefore I qualify for the FREE HEALTH INSURANCE! So maybe before speaking you should actually research what the hell your talking about instead of once again talking out of your ass.
I NEVER accused my ex of "raping me", so maybe he shouldn't be making up stories. There is an email and if I have to I will post it in its ENTIRETY (and I mean word for word all of them from both of us) and prove that I never said he "raped me". I even said I wasn't calling him a rapist, so maybe he should stop warping things in his head and telling all these lies. Seems like he's the one trying to get the sympathy but that is not something new. I don't make shit up about people unlike some recent people I know. I would never use rape in such a way as you are saying, so get your facts straight if that is possible. I never confided in you willingly about anything. I have never liked you hence why I never said anything to you that was all that personal. So grow up and stay out of my life as I have yours.
I am happy and have never been happier. As for the reasons of the divorce and why I didn't say it in front of you is because it was none of your business in the first place. That was between him and I and if he wanted to share it afterword than that was fine but not then. You don't have to know everything. After that he never wanted to know the real reason no matter what he says. I would ask him and he would say "Doesn't matter if you want to tell me." Unfortunately I had to go through the marriage to find the true love of my life. Who supports and loves me for all that I am and all that I am not. The one person I can truly act myself around and not have to fit into their mold of who they want me to be. Maybe you should find something like that one day. Maybe then you will be truly content and maybe you'd stay out of others lives.
Its also so funny that you think the post on your journal was put there by me or my partner when it wasn't. That was someone who was in my life before Jenn ever was and saw my ex and I together and witnessed our relationship. If both of you put your heads together and think really really hard you might figure out who posted it, but I doubt either of you would figure it out. You wouldn't know the truth if it was right in front of your face. You just like to take things and warp it into your own little story, so you can feel special and have something to talk about other than World Of Warcraft. Once again stay out of my life and my business.
Mood: amused
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2008.05.01 14.13
Still excited
I'm still so excited about my pregnancy its the best thing that has happened to me and couldn't have happened at a better time in my life. My job is awesome its fun and rewarding and great pay. I mean what other job out there is going to give every employee FREE and I mean FREE Health Insurance and the co-pays and deductibles are better than any plan i have ever been on that I have had to pay for. I thought when I was given the 5am-1:30pm shift that I would hate it and wouldn't be able to get up early enough but not its great and I am so happy that I got that shift. It lets me get home early and enjoy the rest of my day. Full time is great and if I really want I can become a Team leader in 6months to a year which is great. I also get Pet Insurance, which I also couldn't believe what company offers you pet insurance that's great.
Everything is working out awesome. Jenn just got a promotion at work, she is now the only person that is going to train all the new people, because she is the only person at her work that trains people the right way. So that is exciting for her, because I wish that she was the one who trained me when I was there because my trainer didn't train me on half the things I needed to be.
Lots of decisions to be made right now, but we have a little time to make them. Like if I am staying home with the kid or working. It all depends on how we feel about someone else watching our kid(s) during the day. Its great to have that financial opportunity to be able to stay home with our kid(s). I would stay home until at least the kid(S) are around 4 when the can enter 4k and then I will get a job to work during the school hours. The reason I'm putting (s) in () is because the donor has twins running in their family. So that would be great if that was the case because we will defiantly be done with kids. Don't get me wrong I will be happy with only one kid but two would be awesome although tiring as I can imagine.
Everyone in my family is so excited for this. 8-9 months seems so far away but I know it will come sooner than it seems. By then I will have 1 semester of school done with and I will take the one semester off and then go back in the summer so that I am not 2 far behind in my degree. Hopefully after I graduated I will be able to open my own agency and have the flexibility to work at home or the office. Its a good thing that Jenn's going to do the same thing. I'm going to do everything that I Can for this kid(S). I really could care less if I have to go without, my child is going to have everything they can have. I'm going to ask at work when I can how soon I can start the 529plan for college for my child. Hopefully it will be soon so i can get a jump start on it.
On other news Nicki had her baby yesterday and it was a baby boy. She had him by Sea Section (know that is not how its spelled but oh well). I have to call her to go see her and Braydon. Well I guess that is it for now.
Mood: accomplished
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2008.04.30 19.16
BEST NEWS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jenn and I received the best news yesturday. We're pregnant. YAY! It was confirmed by the doctor yesterday. It was Jenn's birthday and I gave her the best gift. We are so excited we told everyone pretty much. Not sure how far along we are but the estimated date right now is January 8th. Can't wait.
As for how that is possible all we are going to say is that it was done by private donation.
When 2 people love each other anything can happen.
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2008.04.23 11.31
Contemplating
These last couple of weeks have left me contemplating my life and where I am now and where I was a year ago at this time. I realize that I made a decision that was more than right for me a year ago even though it took me a while to vocalize it. I have found the perfect song that describes that time in my life and I figured I would share it with everyone.
Its by Carrie Underwood called Starts with Goodbye:
Starts With Goodbye lyrics
I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
Na na na na na na na.
And then through all of that by chance I found someone else that I defiantly want to spend the rest of my life with. They make me so incredibly happy all the time its great. And We've found a song that is perfect for us. In this relationship we look out for each other and support each other in everything we do, we are able to talk about anything and everything and not hide anything for any reason.
The song that I am talking about is By Clay Walker called "I'd Love to be your Last"
If I had it my way
This would be the first time that you made love
I'd be the first man that your hands touched
But we've both done our share of living
Takin' chances we were given
I've never been big on looking back
I don't care if I'm your first love
But I'd love to be your last
If I could do it over
I'd have waited for this moment
to give my heart to you unbroken
But if our mistakes brought us together
Doesn't really matter whether
we would say it's our centers in the past
I don't care if I'm your first love
I'd just love to be your last
All I know is what I see when I look at you
And all I see is what I'm feeling down inside
And all I'm feeling is the feeling that I finally got it right
When I wake up tomorrow
I'm going to throw my arms around you
Thank my lucky stars I found you
Cause I know your heart has so much more than
any man has touched before that
Nothing matters more to me than that
I don't care if I'm your first love, but I'd love to be your last
Such nice songs. I have also made the decision to go back to school, so for a little while it will be hectic filling out all of the paperwork but I can't wait. I finally feel like I am where I belong right now and I wouldn't change any of it for the world.
Mood:  energetic
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2008.04.15 21.46
Update
This past month has come and gone so fast that I sometimes didn't know which way I was turning. This is just an update on my life as of late.
I guess the biggest thing that has happened to me this last month is that my Grandpa Laren fell really ill on Wednesday. He was pretty much comatose and barley holding on. Everyone thought that we would get a call in the night telling us that he passed away. My Grandpa was a very stubborn man. I went to back to work on thursday after hearing no news and then I talked to my mom who told me that my grandpa was up and talking like nothing happened the day before. Between my Grandpa and Grandma and their kids they then decided that it was it and that my Grandpa wasn't going to be getting another kidney dyalisis. Thursday my Grandpa was feeling great, I haven't seen him so happy or energenic in about a year. It was good to see it. Friday was okay and he slipped into a coma late friday night and passed away early monday morning. The one good thing about it, besides he's not in pain anymore, is that I got to say good bye. Loosing my grandpa laren has been one of the hardest things for me, besides loosing my father. My grandpa laren has always been there for us whenever we needed him. I miss him more and more everyday. Its hard to fill that void especially when he is the only grandpa that I have had that I knew truley loved me and cared about me. If it wasn't for Jenn or the rest of my family being there for everyone it would have been alot harder.
On to other news. Jenn and I decided to have a turkey fry this past Saturday for family. It was a great time to rest and relax and not have to worry about anything. Well somehow the oven caught on fire and after putting that out the electricity went off. So I thought great were goign to have fried turkey and corn on the cob on the grill, deviled eggs and cheesecake, or go over to my moms and have the dinner over there.lol. Thank god the electric came back on apparently there was a power outage on the block, and no we didn't cause it. Somehow the day turned into making fun of Devon day, eveyone including my grandma was in on it. I don't get it. :). It was a nice day after all.
After everyone left Jenn, Becky and I meet Erica and Scott up at Mona's for some drinks. I can tell you it was a great time out with all of them. Erica and Scott left to go home and we stayed there for a while and then decided to go out to a new lesbian bar. Well we got to the bar and apparently our info was wrong so we ended up leaving that bar and heading over to Walkers Pint. We stayed there for a while and then came home and watched some shows at our house before Becky and I passed out.
I guess that is pretty much all that has happened as of late. Besides I got a new hair cut and I love it.
Mood:  flirty
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2008.02.07 11.27
My Year
This past year has been hell of a year for me. I have done things and learned things about myself that I have never in a millions years thought that I would.
The year started off really rocky and filled with lots of hard decisions. When people start a relationship they always hope for the best that this one will be the one that lasts. And then suddenly something doesn't feel right about it anymore and you have to make the decision on what to do. This last year I made a hard decision and thought about it for about a month before I got the guts up to go through with it. It took me a long time to do it because even though the relationship wasn't working out and I knew that it never would, it didn't mean that I still didn't care about the other person. I didn't want to hurt their feelings and thought by putting it off I could spare the pain a little longer. I knew then that it takes two to make a relationship work and two to make it fail. I'm not passing blame to anyone just what I know and learned. I knew it was the right decision that I made and would make it again if the choice came up to me. Through all of this I have also learned things about myself and I know that this was right.
The things I have learned about myself is that I am smart. I am special. I am beautiful and I also have it in me to stand up for myself and my beliefs. I also have a confidence about myself now that I have never had before, though there are still things to work on. I have improved on a lot of things in my opinion. For instance my cleaning has improved 100% and I actually enjoy it. I also have found a love that I knew I always had but never went for it. I love to cook and bake. I love staying home at night and the weekends just vegging out, watching tv, movies, and cooking. I guess you can say I love the little things in life that a lot of people take for granted.
I also learned this year that I have Chron's disease. Yes its the same thing that my father had. I have been putting off getting the tests done for a couple years now because I was scared of the results. I was also scared that if I had it people wouldn't want to deal with it and therefore not want to be with me. I pretty much knew I had it, I just didn't want to hear it. It scared the hell out of me, but I have learned that it doesn't change me at all. I will not let it get the best of me and I will live life to the fullest no matter what. I will keep a smile on my face with a laugh ready to come out. I will carry myself like my dad did and be the best I can be. The hardest thing for me about it was having to tell my Mom and brothers, I knew how much it was going to hurt\bring up memories for them and I hated to do that. I feel closer to my family now then I did before so maybe it isn't such a curse.
The best for last. This year I have meet the person I want to be with the rest of my life. I know what people are thinking you just got out of a major relationship you need time to be by yourself and not in a serious relationship. Well I don't think that I think that you know what is best for you and you also know when it is best. We meet at work and got along when we started talking. After a couple months we started hanging out just trying to find a friend and found something a hell of a lot more then either of us thought we would. From the first explosive kiss to now. I am in a relationship that is the best it can be. We talk and discuss everything about our relationship and our past relationships. We are able to open about everything to each other and it feels great. We both know everything that has happened in past relationships and what happened to end them. I was also able to confide in her about something that hasn't been easy to do before and I fell good about doing it. I felt like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. For the first time in my life I know I can tell my partner something important and they will not tell anyone else about it unless they ask and have permission. Her name is Jenn. Because of her I am so extremely happy that I want to tell everyone and I don't know how to describe it in words. Through her I have also you could say adopted a great family that I feel 100% comfortable with. I fell like I can be myself with them. No offense to anyone else's family but I have never felt 100% comfortable with other partners family's. I'm not saying I didn't like others families. Maybe that was because I never felt comfortable with myself before.
It takes time to make a relationship work and oddly enough also time to make it fail. Kinda kicks you in the ass doesn't it. One thing I can suggest to everyone who wants this advise. Something I started in this relationship that I think will help in all relationship. Besides communication. Have a date day. A day dedicated to just the two of you. Don't answer your cell phones let it go to voice mail, but check it during the day to make sure there is no emergency that came up. Don't make any plans with anyone else. Just do the things the two of you like to do no matter what it is and stick by it. We try to do it every week and it has helped us.
This post was just to get my thoughts on things down and out. This isn't to be directed towards anyone or meant to attack anyone. I hope everyone has had a productive year. This is it for now and knowing me it might be a little while before the next one.
Mood:  thoughtful
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2007.12.31 18.46
This year is coming to an end. It was a good year and a bad year. I have learned things about myself and have done things I never thought I would. I have made some great friends and I have lost a few friends that weren't so great. I also found a very special person that is totally and completely great for me and hopefully me for her. I have lost some of my family this year, don't worry no one died, and gained a new one. For those of you who don't know I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, but all is okay. All in all my year was okay. Thanks to everyone who were here for me this year in the good times and the bad. Hope everyone has had a good year and will have a great new year!
Mood:  bored
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2007.11.01 17.50
Lots going on
A lot has been going on lately and I will find time to update everything another time. Jenn's brain surgery went okay for now. there might be some infection but its not bad yet. Mom went to the er on friday they still don't know what happened but they ruled out a migraine, and a blood clot by the lungs. Dana and I talked last friday also, which turned out to be a crazy day besides my moms er visit. Brad locked himself out of the house and Ashley locked her keys in her car. While driving andi's car we got something stuck under it.
As for work I am looking for a new job yet again. The lady that I work with is driving me completely crazy. She's nuts I tell you. So, if anyone knows of any place that is hiring for over 12 an hour and one that has good benefits let me know, it will be greatly appreciated.
That's it for now. Off on my job hunt and cleaning.
Mood: mellow
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2007.09.25 18.14
Yeah. All I have to say is 1st and 2nd degree burns to the wrist down to the middle of my arm is not fun. It hurts like a bitch. Damn turkey juice.
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2007.09.13 17.38
Too Many Things in too little time
Well a bunch of things has happened in a short amount of time. This is going to be a quick post just to catch the people up who actually care to be caught up.
1. Started a new job at Allis. ITs a great company to work for and one that actually cares about its employees.
2. I got diagnost with Crohn's Disease in the early part of August. A test I was putting off for the longest time. ITs not that bad and they caught it pretty early so far as far as they can tell before they throw me in for more testing. When I heard the news I was scared at first but not anymore. What doesn't break you makes you stronger.
3. Jenn is going in for Brain Surger in October. Apparently she has too many brians. We just found out that on top of everything else she has Arnold-Chairi Malformation of the brain which is a rare disease.
4. Getting the final papers done for the divorce. Which is going along fine, well as fine as any divorce can go. We have stayed friends through all of this and keep in contact almost everyday.
5. Crossing my fingers that Mike gets the job he went for today.
6. Standing up in NIcki's Wedding in October.
7. Haveing a cookout at the end of September with all of Jenns friends and family around the area for one last get together.
8. Spending a month with Jenn's Parents living with us, because they are comming up from Oklahoma.
Thats it for now. I will post more when I have time.
Mood: hyper
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2007.08.06 07.50
Not much going on lately. Friday went in for my 2 scopes. The prep sucked. I couldn't eat all of thursday, I could only have clear liquids and jello, which I didn't see about the jello until after lunch. Then I had to drink this MoviePrep stuff wich tasted like salt water and smelled like PineSol. I did find out though that if you mix it with kool-aide it didn't taste all that bad. I had to drink 1 litre of it in an hour and then wait 1 1/2 hours to drink another one. Yea well by the 3rd glass of it, the first round, I threw up a good portion of what I did drink. Then friday morning came around and I went to the appointment. Yeah I got sedated but woke up during the colonoscopy part so that had to give me more drugs. After the tests were done Jenn took me home and put me in bed. We then woke up and I jumped in a shower to get the stink of the clinic off me. We then went to State Fair and I had yummy food. Went off my low residule diet that I am supposed to be on for the next 2 weeks until I see the doctor again, but it was only for 1 day and the food tasted so good. My mom got me and Jenn our first X-mas ornimante which is really cute. We went to fill my scripts that I am going to have to be on for awhile at walgreens. One wasn't ready yet and the other one was $30 and I can't afford it right now so I couldn't pick it up and have to calol the doctor to see if he can prescribe me something else. Saturday I cleaned more of the apartment and then we went over to Becky's for awhile and visited. Afterwards, I cleaned more of the apartment and was just about to take a break when Becky called and asked if we wanted to go to Out 'n About. So we went out for a drink and played some darts, which I won. We then went to Taco Bell and got food and went home and hung out there for awhile. After becky left we went to bed. Sunday we stayed home and I finished up the apartment for the most part. We have some stuff to take downstairs and stuff to bring back upstairs today but after that it will be done. Hope everyone else's weekend went well.
Mood:  groggy
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2007.07.23 08.20
Changes
There have been alot of changes lately. Some things that had to change and somethings I wish hadn't changed at all. Asking for the divorce was one of the hardest things that I have had to do. It is what I wanted but I hurt Mike so bad in asking for it and it killed me to do it. Unlike what some people belive I am not a selfish bitch. These last 2 months have taught me alot about myself that I havn't really known. Sounds weird but true. I am truley happy except for the part that I hurt Mike. I wish things could have been different. I have found out recently that I can't trust some of the closet people to me who I thought I would always be able to trust. That hurts alot to know that I can't. Right now in my life as I was talking to a couple people I have to make sure I am happy first and then other people next. I don't know if this post makes any sense to anyone else but it does to me.
Oklahoma was great and peaceful. I didn't want to leave and come back to Wisconsin. Jenns family was really nice and welcoming. I feel like I have known them my whole life. Maybe one day we will move back there, but not right now.
I just got back to work last thursday because I was on disability because I hurt my back. Slipped disks are no fun. But the drugs they give you are :).
Summer is going by so fast and I don't want it to. We went to Festa Itialiana on Saturday night with my mom, Kevin, and Jim. We also when to meet up with Andrea and Brian for Andi's birthday. Afterwards, Jenn and I picked up Dana and meet Andi and Brian up at the Thirsty Moose for Andi's birthday. We stayed until close and then gave andi and dana a ride home. We talked with dana till about 3:30 and then left and decided that we wanted donuts so we went to Dunkin Donuts and got some breakfast. Afterwards, Jenn and I went home and watched THe L Word and went to bed at 6am. Well thats my update for now I have to get to work :(. Oh well for spelling errors.
Mood:  awake
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2007.05.20 22.53
The World's Hardest Riddle
I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?
97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the riddle? Just repost this bulletin with the title "The World's Hardest Riddle", and then check your inbox. You'll get a message with the correct answer in it AND TRUST ME IT WAS THE MOST SIMPLEST THING U WOULDNT HAVE GUESSED
Any guesses I don't know the answer.
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2007.05.06 11.44
Homeland Security
This weekend started off good. We went to Dave' concert at the Up and Under for the Battle of the Bands. We missed the 1st band, which I heard we should be grateful for and saw the second band which sucked! Dave's band was awesome and rocked the place. They won this week and go on to play the finals next week. If they win next week they get to play at Summerfest this year on the 102.9 The Hogg stage. We meet up with some old friends that we haven't seen in a couple years and got to talk to them. Surprisingly Phaedra was there and actually talked to us, So that was a good sign, hopefully. She looks good. She got her hair cut really cute and has lost some weight. Not like she needed to but she looks good. She seems a lot happier after Adam and was excited about going on 3 dates with a guy that actually treated her like a gentleman should.
Saturday started off fine went to the doctor for quick lab work. Came home and went back to bed. When I got up I got a phone call from my mom telling me about the whole Homeland Security bullshit. So for those who don't know what the dumb ass government did this time. Apparently they had a "security breach" that let all of the Employees and Family's Social Security out there for the taking. The Employees of TSA (Airport Security). So I had to put a Fraud Alert on my Credit Report that does go against me in the future and I have to go to my bank and tell them what happened. Our government is full of a bunch of idiots. In their unspoken words knowing the government they knew about this months ago and are just saying something now because identity theft more than likely already happened to someone and now they just want to cover their asses in case it happens to someone else.
Mood:  pissed off
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